!Lightbulb!

Feelings are inevitable...

Learn to live with them...

Because true story...

You can't live without them...

Oh well...

I just don't get people...

It's kind of disgusting...

How someone can look right at you and lie....?

Wtf?!?!

Really though...

I ain't even twisted about it...

But really though...

It's true knowledge is pain...

LMA0... What was I thinking of?!?!?

So...

I was minding my business...

Downloading free music...

Not pirating for once...

So I open the file...

I read...

A Night Off - Drake (Yes Jimmy from Degrassi!!! l0l) feat. Lloyd...

So I listen...

And it was all over...

But then to make matters worse...

Because I just wanted to see what would happen if i listened to the song with headphones...

You know...

Without any outside interruptions...

Wow...

That was a very very very bad idea...

I Just Can't Help It...

I'm so0o0oooo0o effin excited...

Just at the possibilities life is throwing my way...

I don't know...

I mean...

I just can't imagine that I could have another year of bullshit...

Really though...

Things have just been so blah for the past few years...

I mean really...

Nothing has really gone right for me...

And damn it...

I am not going to have another shit year...

So...

Real talk...

This year...

2009...

I will have a great year...

None of the regular drama...

None of the bullshit...

This year is going to be the shit no matter what!!!

And you want to know why!!!

Because I effin said so!!!!

Right now... I'm on cloud nine just at all the possibilities that life has to bring to me... And ain't nothing going to wreck that for me! 

Nader damn thing...

LMFAO!!!!

Here Today... Gone Tomorrow...

It's amazing how life works... I mean one minute things are just fine and dandy... And all around just plain old peachy... And all it takes is one event to change it all...

So I was in a hit and run on Sunday... And I'm a little beat up... But I'm alive... Right now I'm just thinking that it could have been a whole lot worse... I mean I watched the car coming at me and even though you would think it was terrifying... Amazingly enough... The thoughts that went through my mind were far from that... I really don't know how to explain it... But I didn't see my life flash before my eyes... Or feel as if I was done for... It was more like a feeling of this is far from over... It was all too ironic... And I was oddly calm about it... I mean don't get me wrong... I was mad as hell the bitch drove off... And did snap into beast mode and caught up to her ass... 

But I really think it was meant to happen... It was a wake up call... Not meant for me... But for those around me... I mean... Considering when and where it happened... My accident served as a wake up call for somebody around me... Hopefully they got the message...

Tomorrow's not promised to anyone... Say what you need to say today... So you don't regret what you didn't get the chance to say tomorrow...

I'm glad I did what I did... And now I can let it all go... And let the past be the past... So I can live for the future...

Lions Tigers & Bears

It's funny because I week ago... I couldn't sleep... I was anxious... Irritable... Confused... And I couldn't focus to save my life... I mean I was a serious mess... Everything I was doing was just going through the motions... Because I didn't know what exactly I should do... For the simple fact that I had no idea what I was really feeling about anything... So when I got to my boiling point... I had to do something... So I did... At first I must say I deeply regretted what I did... But as time went on... And I could finally think... It made things so much clearer... And I'm relieved... No more bitchassness... I'm done...

For the Love of Nothing..

It's funny the things that people do for no reason at all...

Because in the moment it feels good...

And makes them happy...

I just can't understand how anyone can do something to somebody so horrible for the shear pleasure of it? 

I mean... 

How can torture be gratifying? 

How can humiliation be entertaining?

How can someone elses pain bring someone else joy?

Of all the things I've done in my life... Either out of jealousy or spite... At the end of the day... I really could never say I was proud of any of it...

I mean to know that I personally caused someone else anguish... All for fun?!? It always bothers me... To hurt someone else to fit in... It's hard to forgive myself for it... 

I mean really...

It's amazing what you'll do to fit in... For someone's attention... For their affection... You'll betray everything you hold dear... Do things you find morally wrong... And in the end... You know that deep down inside... For that person to encourage and watch you do something so vile... With the knowledge that this is so cruel to the victim... You know that that person is someone you needed to never have allowed into your life... Because you know for sure that they truly care about nothing but themself...

It's just not possible to care for one... And then not care for another... 

I hate everything I said... Everything I did... Everything I felt...

But still I knew every step of the way... I knew what I was doing was wrong... I went against everything I knew... Against my common sense... All for the excitement of the feelings... As empty as they were... 

So...

All I can do now is forgive...

Forgive everything I did...

Because it all was for the love of nothing...