And I wonder...?

So as of late...

I've been taking the time to really just think...

I've been looking at different situations and just looking for the lesson...

And what I've pulled from things kind of contradicts...

I mean one minute I'm all like...

Fairytales don't exist...

And then the next minute...

Dreams come true...

Or I'm like...

You make your own destiny...

Sh*t happens for a reason...

Really...

I'm just all kinds of fukxed up...

I mean I look at other peoples lives and I'm geeeeez...

How the hell???

Why does everything have an exception?!?!

Why can't there be any kind of definitive answers?

How can you ever say that you're doing what you're supposed to do?

I mean I really used to believe in some type of destiny...

But now...

I can't say that I do...

I can't comprehend how one event connects to the other...

Why certain things have to happen?

Why is there no definitive lesson?

What am I missing?

What haven't I learned?

I just want something definitive...

No more freelance thoughts.

Rum pum pum pum... Man down!?

"I didn't mean to end his life... I know it wasn't right... I can't even sleep at night... Can't get it off my mind... I need to get out of sight... What started out as a simple altercation turned into a real sticky situation... Makes me wanna cry... Cause I didn't mean to hurt him... And I took his heart when... Rum pum pum pum... Man down..."

Crack Kills...

From that first hit you're hooked...

Ready at all times for that next hit...

Searching for that perfect high...

But at the end of the day...

That perfect high doesn't exist ...

It's what many refer to as a "Pipe Dream"...

And even though that first hit is pretty damn close...

After that first time...

It's never the same...

Okay now...

I have never done drugs...

I choose to live above the influence...

But I have been an addict...

After the first hit...

I was hooked...

The feeling was unlike anything I ever felt before...

I completely lost control...

Until finally one day I realized that I had hit rock bottom...

I let the "Pipe Dream" completely take over my mind...

I lost touch with reality until reality finally found me...

But the damage had already been done...

And I couldn't even pretend to play the victim...

I knew the consequences of my actions...

But I kept going back...

Hit after hit after hit...

Until I finally realized it wasn't real at all...

Something completely artificial...

But the consequences were not...

It's a domino effect that still continues to this day...

So I tell this story to caution those on my path...

Whether it be drugs or anything else...

At the end of the day...

It's not worth it to lose yourself...

Ya see...

Crack Kills...

Do yourself a favor and... SHUT UP! ;)

Oh man... It hath been wayyyyyyyyy toooooooo looooooooong!

Hello to my Blog peeps!

It has been quite a few months since my last post... So let's go ahead and get to it...

I have realized in the last few months that even though I am GREAT....

I am not that GREAT...

I am human...

Point blank...

And ain't not one human perfect!

That is for damn sure...

I've realized I'm always looking for some profound reason for why people do the things they do but at the end of the day...

There is none...

I know I've said this before...

But it's the truth...

People do things because THEY CAN!!!!!!

And as much as we try to control that...

We can't....

People are not puppets...

They don't always do what we want...

!!!!!FILTER OFFFFFFFF!!!!!

So now that brings me to the real reason I'm writing this post...

ERIC MUTHERFREAKIN' ******!!!!!!!!!

Yes I am writing this for you princess! ;)

I am going to be completely and utterly honest...

You my former best friend need to build a bridge and get the hell over IT!

Whatever IT is?

I have my own theories...

But I digress...

Back to what I intended to say....

As much as I HATE to admit this....

You changed my life...

Ok now...

Pump your breaks...

Don't get all excited now...

For you are the inspiration behind the "because they can" epiphany....

Without the bullshit that you spouted

Alwayssssss behind my back...

~Whoooosah~

I don't think I would have ever figured that out....

I mean I never understood why anybody would hurt anybody without a legit reason....

I mean I never could have imagined that at the end of the day...

The answer was so simple....

I mean at the end of the day....

You could...

So you did...

I'm right aren't I?

Now...

I know I am at fault too....

I went back and forth so many times....

I was a straight up flip- flopper...

And truth be told...

I had no idea what was going on...

Well not until the proverbial shit hit the fan...

But I can't really grasp exactly what happened either...

It's just a hot- hit- mess...

Any who...

I am not that person anymore....

And hopefully you aren't either....

Hopefully you're duck self took some lessons from that **place** we used to work....

And if you didn't pick....

I'll share.... :D

1. Honesty is the best policy---->When I say this.... I mean.... Seriously dude.... Just tell the damn truth.... You do more damage putting up fronts than you ever could being completely and utterly honest... Don't get me wrong.... I know it's hard.... I still have to catch myself.... But it's necessary... I SWEAR TO YOU---> What's done in the dark is always brought to light.... So turn on the light your damn self.... The people who love you will always accept you.... They may be pissed in the moment... But time heals all wounds....

2. Playing a role---> It's wayyyyyy more effort to be a someone other than yourself.... Just don't...

3. Because you can... Doesn't mean you should----> I really hope you get this.... It's not worth it! I swear to you! It's that simple.... Think once, twice, three times YAMMIT! Scouts honor... It works... ;)

4. This is not the Truman Show---->The world does not revolve around you... Get this.... Learn this... Understand this....

Now you're probably wondering why the hell I have decided to write this after all of this time..?

Shooooot....

I dunno...

I guess this is me paying it forward...

So good luck and God bless...

Goodbye!

;)

10 days

In exactly 10 days...

It will be exactly one year since I had my insides completely ripped out of me...

As of late it seems...

Every television show I watch is speaking directly to me about what happened...

And with every situation a character goes through...

The pain they feel...

The loss they endure...

I feel it too...

And every time I cry for them...

I swear its like I cry for them because I can't cry for my damn self...

It's like I'm devoid of any emotions or feelings for myself...

But what exactly can I expect?

I'm mourning the loss of something that never existed...

So how can I feel this way or that way about something that plain and simply put never was?

And as the day creeps up...

I feel as if I'm losing the little bit of sense I managed to regain...

Like the foundation I built is being rocked to the core...

And I feel crazy for it...

I buried this a long time ago...

I did the right thing...

I know I did...

It was the only thing to do...

But if that's the truth...

Why won't it stay buried?

Could I have been wrong?