For the Love of Nothing..

It's funny the things that people do for no reason at all...

Because in the moment it feels good...

And makes them happy...

I just can't understand how anyone can do something to somebody so horrible for the shear pleasure of it? 

I mean... 

How can torture be gratifying? 

How can humiliation be entertaining?

How can someone elses pain bring someone else joy?

Of all the things I've done in my life... Either out of jealousy or spite... At the end of the day... I really could never say I was proud of any of it...

I mean to know that I personally caused someone else anguish... All for fun?!? It always bothers me... To hurt someone else to fit in... It's hard to forgive myself for it... 

I mean really...

It's amazing what you'll do to fit in... For someone's attention... For their affection... You'll betray everything you hold dear... Do things you find morally wrong... And in the end... You know that deep down inside... For that person to encourage and watch you do something so vile... With the knowledge that this is so cruel to the victim... You know that that person is someone you needed to never have allowed into your life... Because you know for sure that they truly care about nothing but themself...

It's just not possible to care for one... And then not care for another... 

I hate everything I said... Everything I did... Everything I felt...

But still I knew every step of the way... I knew what I was doing was wrong... I went against everything I knew... Against my common sense... All for the excitement of the feelings... As empty as they were... 

So...

All I can do now is forgive...

Forgive everything I did...

Because it all was for the love of nothing...